Moleskine on Moleskine on Moleskine
I’ve written a lot.
Poems, journal entries, short stories, introspective thoughts, hell, I’ve even written fanfiction. I have folders of old stories, both physically and digitally, and there’s a common aspect to all of these pieces: I haven’t shared them with anyone.
Even writing this post out now, my fingers are trembling slightly, because the thought of sharing my own creative work with an audience is so terrifying to me. To be judged for my words, to be critiqued, to even be hated, as some writers are.
I’ve always been someone who took criticism to heart. I’ll dwell on comments for a lifetime, even though I know that my writing won’t please everyone, that someone out there will always have a problem with what I write. And that’s okay. But that knowledge doesn’t stop the discouragement I feel when my writing ignites criticism, filling my mind with negative thoughts like,”Oh god, I’m not cut out to be a writer” and “I really can’t make it in this industry.”
I let those thoughts consume me, so instead of sharing what I write, which is the only thing that will get me further in this community, I hide it all. I let the fear and the anxiety take over. I say I write a lot, but what exactly do I have to show for it?
There’s only one way to get passed this fear and it’s to share. To share my writing, to keep sharing, to not let my finger come close to the trash icon, which is usually where my writing ends up. To share, and to welcome comments, both positive and negative, to let people in and to let people read.
I don’t know why that’s so scary to me. Especially sharing with people I know personally, to let my friends and my peers read. I’ve always overvalued the opinions of those around me. Because what if they think my writing is dumb and stupid, even though I like what I write about. I like the style that’s constantly being developed into my own, I like how my words flow into each other, I like the things and ideas I’m writing about. Why am I letting other people control what I do?
Sharing is such a frightening thing to do, and it’s something I’m still learning how to do. I’ve posted two writing pieces so far, Body Aches and Gunshot, and I kept going back and forth between posting those because I was so nervous to hear other people’s thoughts, scared that my aspiring goal to be a novelist will be laughed at because my writing is abysmal. But I did it, and it’s a step in the right direction.
So I need to learn how to share. To share openly, to share unapologetically, to share and not be afraid. To just let my writing speak for itself, and to not be fearful anymore.
I just need to keep reminding myself.